July 2011
2 posts
Online Profile Photos
Me: What a winner... he likes to scratch his crotch.
Sarah: Just like me!
“Why can’t they just enjoy a nice boat ride through a burning village like...”
– Rachel on the (poorly) updated Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World
February 2010
2 posts
March 2009
1 post
“Meghan, now is as good a time as any to tell you… I had a sex change....”
– Sarah, as I put a pink peg in her car while preparing to play the game of Life
August 2008
1 post
“I wonder what radical feminists make of the fact that it was men who created the...”
– Thomas Sowell
July 2008
2 posts
“I know that you hate the wind so much and that Chicago is probably the only...”
– Sarah
Our New Computer
Me: Why is the hard drive named "1000"?
Sarah: ... I have no idea.
May 2008
7 posts
“This is my new deodorant, Brittany. It tastes like shit, so don’t try...”
– Me
“It’s going to be fun times 12 plus two… cubed.”
– Sarah, on going to see the dinosaur tracks
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised...”
– Emo Philips
“Everybody should always use condoms and Macs, no exceptions.”
– Brittany
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/04/3...
Person A: “I like the guy in the white American Apparel shirt with the glasses.”
Person B: “Which one? there are eight.”
Person A: “The guy with the keffiyeh.”
Person B: “Oh yeah, you’re right. He does look smarter and more political than the other guys. He’s clearly more sensitive to wind, so he’s probably more sensitive in general. You should totally date him.”
“Meghan, I always thought that Santa’s laugh would be, you know, funnier if...”
– Sarah, being random
Sisterly Love
Sarah: It's like we have multiple personalities, and all of my personalities know your personalities. And then they go and have a party together!
Me: Yeah. It's just you and me and our personalities... partying.
Sarah: Oh, the things that bring us to laughter!
Me: Yeah, I know.
Sarah: It's like our personalities are tickling each other!
April 2008
3 posts
“I think the method I have in mind involves duct tape and swallowing a key.”
– Me, on how to force people to watch movies I want them to see
“Why don’t you call it a whut? It sounds like a Jewish word. Whut is Jewish...”
– Sarah, reflecting on her new vocabulary word
“Duh! His name would be Jean Claude Van-Trappe. He’d be able to do a full...”
– Sarah, on the perfect man
March 2008
3 posts
“I always know exactly what to say in every situation. Actually, I always know...”
– Me
Funny Students
Student A: It says, "compelling error."
Student B: No, compiling error.
Student A: Oh. Whatever.
Funny Students, deuxième partie
Student A: George Bush thinks that gas is really cheap. George Bush thinks gas is $2.10 a gallon.
Student B: Yeah, well how many times has George Bush been right during his presidency? One time —
Student A: Yeah, on 9/11; he knew it was terrorists that did it.
Student B: ... Wow, that is so not what I was going to say.
February 2008
8 posts
By A Street Vendor Selling Celebrity Photos
Little Girl: Mom, look! I see Bill Cosby!
Mother: Where? I don't see him.
Little Girl: Right there! He's in the picture.
Mother: I don't think so... point him out to me.
Little Girl: See, right there [points].
Mother: Haha, no. That's Barack Obama.
“If I ever get pregnant (God forbid) all my [pregnant stomach photo] captions...”
– Brittany
“I sometimes feel like when I talk about pursuing men I might as well be talking...”
– Brittany
“Wow! He’s done a lot of extracurriculars for someone who’s a genius.”
– Brittany
“She sent me an email the other day. I was surprised she knew how to use the...”
– Brittany
Brittany: I think I just got a text message.
Me: Do you want me to have a look at your phone for you?
Brittany: Yes, please! It's on my bed.
Me: Where on your bed? I don't see it.
Brittany: Hmmm... Oh, wait. It might be in my underwear.
Me: ...
Brittany: Yup, here it is. Wait, that might just be my hip bone...
Me: ...
Brittany: Yup! Here it is!
“C’était comme… c’était comme… bah! Je trouve pas les...”
– Lady describing the Mika concert
Brittany: That's the best thing that's ever happened to me. That Mika concert was better than sex.
Random Crowd Lady: It lasted longer, too!
Brittany: The only thing better than that concert would be sex with Mika himself.
“I found these hot chicks on MySpace and so I emailed them and said I was coming...”
– Drunk self-proclaimed comedian Brittany and I met tonight after a concert
January 2008
21 posts
“My hair looks gangster. Meghan, what would you do if I wore my hair like this...”
– Brittany
“I am really good with analogies. I didn’t just make an analogy, but...”
– Me
Brittany: I won't get you involved. Only one of us needs to go to Hell.
Me: Oh, but I am already going anyhow, so...
Brittany: Oh, well I can maybe meet you there, then?
Me: Yeah, that'd be great!
Brittany: Maybe we can share a room!
Me: Oh, yay!
“It wasn’t even like a car alarm, it was like people from Neptune were...”
– Brittany on the ridiculous 12 minute car alarm she experienced at 4 am today.
“If you want to wear a ring that shows you’re not having sex you can go on...”
– Marcus Brigstocke
“If there’s one thing I’m really good at, it’s looking ugly....”
– Brittany
“Three words: Vice President Oprah.”
– Obama on his number one campaign promise (on Letterman).
“I wish I was British because it’s so much more fun to say knickers than it...”
– Brittany
“If I could get a hold of Brad Pitt, the things I would do to him would be...”
– Brittany
Spies
Brittany: Can you imagine being a spy?
Me: No. But I can imagine it would be a lot like being a stalker except for more socially acceptable.
“The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.”
– Random Click Five Video
“Usually when I say, “I want to bone that person” all it ever really...”
– Brittany
“And then I was like, ‘Toodles, homies!’ Oh, wait… I need to...”
– Me (alas)
Sickness
Student: You sound a bit froggy today.
Me: I know. I have a cold.
Student: That's a bummer.
Me: It's not too bad. I'm heavily medicated.
Student: Right on.
“Oh my God, Meghan, I am a genius! You never need to dust again, just lint roll...”
– Brittany
“If you go to somebody’s house and they don’t have any books,...”
– John Waters
“I’m a sucker for the man-sass.”
– Brittany
“What’s with all these computers? Haven’t you people heard of an...”
– 3rd Rock from the Sun
Sarah: I'm taking the, "What Goddess Are You" test.
Me: I'm no goddess. Why be a Goddess when you can be a GOD?!?!
Brittnay: Jeeze, Meghan. You and your sexist ways. You'd think all those years at women's institutions would have influenced your position.
Me: What can I say? I'm pro-man.
“Are there any famous virgins? I don’t think so.”
– Brittany